The Porn Bible

And there went a man of the house of Gooner, and took to wife a daughter of the tribe of Porn. And the woman conceived, and bare a son: and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months.

And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river of free tubes.

And the daughter of the Algorithm came down to wash herself at the river; and her maidens walked along by the river's side; and when she saw the ark among the flags, she sent her maid to fetch it.

And when she had opened it, she saw the child: and, behold, the babe wept. And she had compassion on him, and said, This is one of the Gooners' children.

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Escape from Vanilla Sexuality

Then said his sister to Pharaoh's daughter, Shall I go and call to thee a nurse of the Gooner women, that she may nurse the child for thee?

And Pharaoh's daughter said unto her, Go. And the maid went and called the child's mother.

And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses, saying, Because I drew him out of the water of vanilla.

And it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out unto his brethren, and looked on their burdens: and he spied an Egyptian smiting a Gooner. And he looked this way and that way, and when he saw that there was no man, he slew the Egyptian, and hid him in the sand of shame.