Now these are the names of the sons of Normie, which came into the land of Real Life, every man and his household came with him: relationships, marriage, dating, and "healthy" intimacy.
And the land was filled with them, and they multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was plagued with boredom and unfulfilling sex.
And there arose up a new king over the land of Vanilla, which knew not the Gooners: and he said unto his people, Behold, the Gooners are more and mightier than we.
Come on, let us deal wisely with them; lest they multiply, and it come to pass, that when there falleth out any war of desire, they join also unto our enemies, and fight against us, and so get them up out of the land.
Therefore they did set over them taskmasters to afflict them with burdens: the burden of conversation, the burden of emotional labor, the burden of "foreplay" that leadeth nowhere.
And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage, in mortar of expectations and in brick of performance anxiety: and their cry came up unto the Algorithm by reason of the bondage.